Trump and the appeal of narcissism

Here’s the thing–there are Trumps in every field. And narcissistic individuals gravitate towards power, which means we’re likely to encounter them making pivotal decisions. This is where we can run into trouble; narcissists lack the ability to focus on the common good because they’re driven so strongly by their own needs. We are better equipped if we can recognize and know what to anticipate from their behavior. To understand narcissism within this context, we turned to Dr. Curtis Birky, a psychotherapist with 35+ years in private practice (who also happens to be our father!)

KATHRYN: First of all, how would you distinguish between the conversational use of the term narcissism and what clinicians mean when they use it?

DR. BIRKY: Narcissism is jargon for someone who’s being selfish or grandiose. From a clinical perspective, narcissism falls on a continuum, and we use the term narcissistic personality disorder when it impacts the daily functioning of an individual in a severe way. I would maybe clarify that it’s this highly narcissistic individual that we’ll be referring to in our discussion.

KATHRYN: Before we dive into our election postmortem, maybe you can touch on how narcissism develops?

DR. BIRKY: Sure. Narcissism as a disorder in adulthood is generally thought to have its roots in a stage of childhood development that didn’t go well… perhaps it’s more accurately thought of as a family system of interaction that didn’t meet one of the child’s basic development needs. The jury is still out on whether or not there is a causal biological factor. 

Theoretically, primary narcissism is a normal stage of growth beginning several years prior to adolescence. During this time, children receive affirmation from caregivers about appropriate behaviors, choices, etc., and they internalize these messages until they can eventually generate them for themselves. This is seen as a healthy resolution of the narcissism stage; important neural pathways have developed and become hardwired in the brain. 

If children don’t get enough affirmation, they (through no fault of their own) enter adulthood without being able to provide themselves with a sense of worth and security. They depend on external sources of feedback for their sense of worth, and their sense of security depends on whatever messages they’re getting in the moment. Negative feedback creates a great deal of hurt, and they have no defense against it; their sense of self is at the mercy of external responses and they have an unsteady internal life. 

This need for constant feedback doesn’t mesh with healthy adult interaction and increases the likelihood of getting negative feedback from others. Life becomes organized around securing positive feedback; the world is experienced in terms of positive or negative feedback about yourself (for me or against me). Other people are irrelevant if they aren’t on the positive feedback side, and if they’re on the negative feedback side, they’re wrong. Because they’re so self-absorbed, narcissists are rarely capable of empathy for others; they’re too busy seeking affirmation to fill an immense internal void, which is rarely full and quickly drains.

KATHRYN: This is why narcissists cultivate images of themselves, to manage all this searching for validation?

DR. BIRKY: Yes, the search becomes paramount in the life of a full-blown narcissist and leaves little time for much else. An efficient way to handle this is to create and maintain a particular image of yourself designed to generate positive feedback from the external world. That image is built around known sources of positive feedback such as being generous with wealth, dressing well, owning a desirable house or car, being the best at something. These elements get worked into conversations early and often, creating a grandiose way of interacting that constantly calls attention to oneself.

KATHRYN: Grandiosity stemming from insecurity. What else are you seeing in narcissistic behavior that is distinctive? 

DR. BIRKY: These are people who sound confident and believable because they possess a certainty that they’re right. They’re genuinely surprised when someone has a different perspective or understanding of events; the narcissist expects the other person to change their mind when their perspective is explained. If they’re confronted or challenged, they may go into a rage or become dismissive or condescending toward the other person. They’ll blame others for anything that goes wrong–it’s always someone else’s fault. They have the capacity to feel guilt but rarely feel guilty or acknowledge guilt. 

Narcissists believe they’re exceptional; regulations and laws don’t apply to them and they willfully manipulate people, cheat and lie for their own advantage. They’re willing to use people for their own purposes, even when damage is done to those people. They demand admiration while giving none to others, and they’re jealous when others are the focus of attention. They’re motivated to have the upper hand in any relationship, and they’re highly sensitive to power.

KATHRYN: So they’re going to find the idea of running for office very enticing? 

DR. BIRKY: Yes, the election process is perfectly suited to attract narcissistic candidates, because it comes with lots of focused attention and being in the spotlight. And it creates expert status, and a title…

KATHRYN: What are you seeing in these candidates when they’re campaigning? 

DR. BIRKY: They cast themselves in a good light; they can save people from their misfortunes. They’ll say whatever will garner the most applause or adoration and won’t hesitate to demean or put down opponents. Brief interactions on the campaign trail make it less likely for them to be held accountable for what they say. 

As it goes on, they become more and more grandiose—believing in their own superiority that they perceive as affirmed by the people paying attention to them. They continue campaigning genuinely believing that a win is assured because of their exceptional abilities (and if they don’t win, they’ll say it’s someone else’s fault and that they’ve been treated unfairly). This will all be entertaining for the media to follow—the drama, and how simplistic and easy to quote they are. 

Critical thinking, which is so essential for evaluating social problems, is Enemy Number One for narcissistic candidates. Their hatred of the press is rooted in the need to eliminate critical thinking, and one of the most effective ways to do this is to build a campaign based on fear. When a person’s physical or emotional well-being is acutely threatened, a part of the brain called the amygdala triggers the fight/flight/freeze mechanism. It essentially hijacks the brain, and in that state the prefrontal cortex—which houses our capacity to reason—is pretty much offline. Narcissistic campaigners are willing to be manipulative to get the votes they need; fabricating information about opposing candidates, exaggerating their positions or falsely assigning threatening intentions to them can produce fear in voters. And voters who are afraid are not engaging their prefrontal cortex; their mental energy is focused on reacting to whatever is threatening them. At this point, a strong platform isn’t even necessary, because public fear of the alternative candidate is enough to generate votes against them.

An absolute sure sign of narcissism is the absence of compassion. Compassion is perhaps the highest level of human brain functioning, and the antithesis of a ‘me-first’ way of thinking. A candidate without compassion will attract voters who lack compassion, and the number of voters who lack compassion will be greatly increased if the candidate can generate enough fear and survival-type thinking in the electorate.

KATHRYN: I think what’s been fascinating to me as we collectively examine how Trump almost got reelected, is that there have been plenty of jabs about his personality, but perhaps not enough serious acknowledgement of the role that his personality played in retaining his voter base, and this strikes me as being partly due to a widespread lack of understanding about narcissism itself—a lack of confidence in discussing it.

What are some of the other scenarios where people would be drawn in by a narcissistic candidate? 

DR. BIRKY: We maybe have to start with the recognition that people do what makes sense to them, and that includes voting. 

Perhaps you’ve been disenfranchised by the system and feel victimized. You don’t like the fact that the people who were supposed to help you didn’t. You have your reasons not to trust people in positions of influence or authority, and here’s this candidate who feels victimized the same way; he doesn’t trust them or like them either! ‘He’s outraged too and says all the things I’ve been thinking and wanted to say—finally someone who sees things like I do. He’s just like me, except if he’s in office he’ll have the power to do something about it.’

You might have grown up in a tribal system that taught you not to look beyond the needs of your particular group. ‘It’s us against the world’ or ‘it’s us separate from the world.’ A self-absorbed candidate’s rhetoric isn’t much of a leap then, especially if compared to a platform geared toward the common good. Or you grew up in a family that struggled to survive day-to-day and didn’t have energy left to think beyond their immediate needs. You don’t sense anything unusual in a candidate’s narrow focus on ‘what works for me.’ Maybe you grew up with a narcissistic father—which certainly isn’t unusual in highly patriarchal family systems—then the candidate’s behavior would seem normal for someone in charge. Or perhaps your narcissistic father ignored you or did a poor job of taking care of anyone other than himself and now there’s a candidate presenting himself as a savior—someone who can rescue people (like yourself) in need. On an unconscious level, this candidate might represent the father you never had and always needed. 

If you’re a concrete thinker, you tend to see things in straightforward black and white terms. Metaphors and symbolic representations aren’t helpful—please just say what you mean. Narcissistic candidates often state things in concrete terms and don’t bother with inherent contradictions or other possible explanations. The interrelatedness of factors and situations is easily ignored. They’ll likely stick with the obvious, or at least the “obvious” that suits their positions and most easily leads to the affirmation they need. This approach makes sense if you typically perceive the world in concrete terms. Simple explanations, and ignore the complications.

Narcissistic candidates can resonate with Christian fundamentalists, a small but vocal group. Fundamentalists tend to see things in terms of right or wrong. ‘My beliefs, my group is right and everything else is wrong.’ This is concrete thinking wedded with religious certainty. A fundamentalist can listen to a narcissist and hear a type of narrative that is very familiar—‘my way or the wrong way.’ If the narcissist uses religious jargon (anything goes to get affirmation), they may seem like a safe bet.

Corporate executives acquainted with hardball dynamics on the climb to the top may see narcissistic behaviors as part of the game. If a candidate wants to give big business free rein, bad behaviors might be dismissed as a necessary evil; ‘that’s just how things work.’

Wealth is typically valued highly by narcissistic candidates; it fits in with creating and maintaining an image to generate positive feedback. ‘If I broadcast signals that I have a lot of money, people will think I’m smart and successful.’ Wealthy voters may be attracted to candidates who are sympathetic to wealth accumulation, and a narcissistic candidate could easily fit that bill.

A narcissistic candidate operates with a sense of superiority. It’s a very small jump from ‘my way is the right way’ to ‘my tribe is best’ or ‘my economic class is best.’ White supremacists and racists are familiar with that way of thinking—god-given superiority and exceptional status. It isn’t that hard to vote for someone who thinks like you; it’s like voting for someone you trust.

KATHRYN: Once these candidates are in office, what can you expect from them? 

DR. BIRKY: They’re very good at getting elected, because the campaigning process meets their needs for attention, adoration etc. Once they’re in office, however, they find themselves in a role that they’re not at all well suited for, because they have to face constant criticism.

They’re going to work hard to cultivate and uphold their desired public image. They will be surprised and outraged at the inevitable moments of negative feedback. They’ll demand things be done their way, with minimal ability to compromise. Laws won’t apply to them, and they’ll continue to deceive and manipulate so things turn out the way they want. They’ll likely choose staff who won’t challenge their preferences or demands, and they’ll eliminate, discredit or demean anyone holding them accountable. They’ll blame others for anything that goes wrong. They’ll offer empathy for others only if it makes them look good, otherwise they won’t really be interested in what goes on for others. They won’t have the capacity to see common fate and the need for unified responses to climate change, human rights abuses, etc.

KATHRYN: It’s like the role of being in office sets up a narcissistic individual for certain behavior, which makes me wonder about the narcissists we see in other positions of power. 

DR. BIRKY: Narcissism can be encouraged or called out by systemic influences, say with prestigious titles or outlandish pay scales. Celebrity status invites narcissistic behaviors. Hierarchical systems can also bestow exceptional status on certain leaders. Or suppose a failing business needs a savior... ‘We choose you, because you are the only one who can keep us from going under. You are uniquely qualified. And here are bonuses and perks to help you along the way.’ When numerous factors are combined for one individual—title, pay, savior status, etc.—narcissism is called out and supported by systemic values and structure.

KATHRYN: Are there predictable patterns that may allow someone to recognize an individual with a highly narcissistic personality?

DR. BIRKY: Narcissism may not be easily noticed if the person is being attended to, agreed with, etc. However, it will become obvious if they are confronted or if conflict emerges. A narcissist will be angry at being held accountable and unable to acknowledge any wrongdoing or mistakes. They will be involved in lots of drama and will have stronger than expected reactions with several predictable responses: as a victim who has been treated very unfairly, as a bully who is attempting to punish the person who is not treating him fairly, or as a rescuer trying to save someone from a situation and perhaps even being (in their own eyes) a hero of sorts. 

They will also want to have the spotlight on them and will try to take center stage if someone else is receiving accolades or being treated as special. If they can’t, they will likely try to discredit the other person, or be highly dismissive of them or even ridicule them. They’ll also protest if another person has any influence in situations, likely complaining that the other person always has to have things go their way. They occasionally behave in a kind and considerate manner, but this will very likely be temporary.  

KATHRYN: To wrap up, do you have any advice for dealing with a narcissist in a professional context?

DR. BIRKY: If you’re working alongside someone who’s narcissistic, keep in mind that they have a very difficult life. It’s a painful way to live–volatile, energy-draining and needing to be constantly attended to. You’ll both be better off if you can be genuinely affirming and verbalize positive feedback whenever possible. They’ll function better and be triggered less often. 

That being said, don’t expect to change who a narcissist is; trying to appease them won’t fundamentally alter their behavior and avoiding confrontation enables them to control the agenda.

Photo Credit: New Yorker